By VicFuture, Kayfabe Kickout Guest Writer
We fight on Friday night!
A review of SmackDown as it happened. (from my living room)
Date: May 24, 2013
Pre Taped: May 21, Omaha, NE 2013
Official drinking game: I just drank, no games. This was a snoozer till the Main Event.
Miz TV opens the show. If you’ve read my column before you will note I am no fan of The Miz. Tonight he’s got Fandango & Summer Rae. Then he’s going to try to wrestle back Intercontinental belt from Wade Barrett. Good luck Miz, Barrett is a beast.
Fandango awkwardly makes his way out, resplendent in a skin tight ensemble that makes me think of cheap malt liquor cans. We are treated to a replay of Fandango leaving Barrett out to dry during their tag team match, allowing Miz to take the win. LOL, I remember that, genius heel move. Can anyone tell me what accent Fandango has? Oh boy here comes Barrett. Finally. The 'show' descends into an all out brawl.
Card: Wade Barrett vs The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship.
Fandango and Summer Rea at the Announcers table.
We come back from break to see the match all ready in progress. Barrett is dominating Miz as Fandango gets a shoulder massage from Summer Rae. Miz gets in a high running knee and a kick to the face on Barrett. When it seems the Miz is going to turn the tables Fandango has his music cued up and starts prancing around outside the ring as the two men in the ring continue to fight, albeit distracted. It was surreal.
Barrett hits Miz and Miz hits the floor. Then Fandango gets in the ring WITH Barrett and they give Miz a proper beating. Barrett surprises everyone by hitting Fandango with the Bullhammer. The match was a DQ because of Fandango's interference and Barrett retains his title and walks off with his belt. The Miz and Fandango both on the floor.
Card: Jack Swagger with Zeb Colter vs Daniel Bryan with Kane
This is a real Daniel and Goliath match. I'm not even sorry. Bryan has a lot to prove after Team Hell No lost their belts. The only question is can he keep it together long enough to win? Bryan gets the first cover but Swagger kicks out in two.
After we come back from break We see Bryan taking Swagger to the mat. He worked Swagger over with a flurry of leg kicks, but Swagger powered out of it to get a cover but not get the pin.
A little more back and forth and Bryan gets caught in the Patriot Lock. The self proclaimed 'master of submissions' counters and breaks free. Daniel Bryan looks insane tonight, sweating and muttering to himself. Swagger is on the mat, prone and Bryan DOESN’T go for the pin. Instead he puts Swagger in a No Lock eventually forcing Swagger to tap out, taking the win. A lot of close up shots of a crazed Bryan, possibly foreshadowing his fall from grace and return to heeldom. He puts Swagger in another No Lock, just 'cause that's what heels do. Kane pulls him off & Bryan walks off mumbling about not being a weak link. Yep he’s going heel & Team Hell No may be dissolved.
We comeback from break to get intel from Michael Cole informing us that Dr. Samson ( I don't know either) states “John Cena is banged up.” Seems legit. Roll footage of last Monday night Raw and Extreme Rules edited in a way to make me dizzy and confused. Oh, it’s just a commercial for Payback Ambulance Match.
Ahh finally something for me. Damien Sandow dressed in a suit at a table set into a ring. Matt Striker looking puzzled as usual. Sandow is displeased with the past few weeks of Sheamus and Mark Henry shenanigans tsking over the WWE. Note to Wardrobe, Sandow's sleeves are so short, it looks like he's hulking out before my eyes.
Sandow has Striker attempt to untie a Gordian Knot. You can google that if you wish, I'll wait.
Of course Striker can't to do it, THATS THE POINT. What now? Will Sheamus rescue this skit? He struts out to poke fun at Sandow & accepts the challenge to untie afore mentioned knot. I am just hoping he wraps it around his hand and beats Sandow with it. He doesn't.
Turns out Sandow had an ace up his short sleeve and cuts the knot with a bolt cutter, ‘untying the knot’. Sad trombone. You’re welcome. Oh shit, this isn't over? Nope. Sheamus goes for a Brogue kick & misses. And Striker is used as a projectile, when Sheamus throws him through the ropes at Sandow. Now sad trombone. Roll commercials.
Card: Chris Jericho vs Big Show
Big Show slapping the shit out of Jericho is a good way to start any match for me! When Show bear hugs Jericho, it makes Jericho looks like a muscular baby. Cause Jericho is tiny.
A few kicks to Show isn’t enough to keep the big man down, as Show Spears Jericho . Y2J half assedly kicked out of cover. I don't know, both these guys look like they are phoning it in.
Jericho goes for a Codebreaker but Show is too big to roll over, hahaha. He changes tack and gets a DDT on Show but Show kicks out. Show has some EPIC cleavage as Jericho tries to put him into a Walls, but no the big man is too big. Show Chokeslams Jericho then Jericho leaves the ring to put some space between them .Show pursue Jericho as the ref starts to count both men out.
Show attempts to haul Jericho back into the ring but Jericho slips out sending Show into the steel pole. A dazed Show turns and Jericho gets a Codebreaker on Show that sends him into the TimeKeepers table. Jericho makes it back into the ring to take the win as Show is counted out.
Big Show is plenty pissed, so he takes a steel chair to the ring. But Jericho kicks the giant before he can get in to use it. Let’s go to commercial boys.
I can watch Heyman all day, but Trips is starting to wear on me. If you want to retire, just do it. No one cares how you leave. You write the damn story arcs, just take a win and fade into the sunset. Roll replay of last Monday nights RAW when Heyman introduces Curtis Axel and Triple H is unable to continue. Yawn.
Card: Curtis Axel with Paul Heyman vs Sin Cara
Paul gets on the mic to re-introduce Curtis Alex. Full disclosure I’ve never seen Axel before last Monday night RAW. I hope he can cash the checks Heyman is writing.
We come back from break to Sin Cara jobbing for Axel. The amber light that bathes the ring for every Sin Cara match makes Paul Heyman look positively demonic. This is a real snore fest with Sin Car setting them up and Axel knocking them down. Heyman did more outside the ring for me either of these two. Axel drops Sin Cara hard and follows up with a viscous elbow, Heyman dons a Cheshire cat grin through it all. After a sloppy miss by Sin Cara from the top rope Axel pins Sin Cara and takes the win. Duh.
Main Event: Kofi Kingston vs US Champion Dean Ambrose
Is it possible to order some Sonic shakes online? THAT may help me get through this. Or kill me. I'm good with either.
Here comes The Shield. I noticed how Reigns and Rollins did not come down to ringside. Ambrose enters the ring solo. I’m going to lose my shit if Ambrose loses this belt in one week. He won’t, but I'm warning you all. Ok lets ring that bell!
Ambrose dominates early on but Kofi holds his own and gets the first cover, Ambrose kicks out. I like when these two tske the brawl up onto the turnbuckle to fight it out!
Suddenly Reigns appears out of nowhere to interfere and Kofi turns and attacks Reigns from the top rope. Oh Shit! Here comes the Viper to even it out! Rollins is in it now. Oh YES! Sheamus comes bounding in! They got my letter!! There’s too many men in the ring, I don’t know where to look. I also can’t stop smiling.
Teddy Long marched out to announce a what? A tag team match? No way Playa! Six man tag team match. The Shield vs Orton, Sheamus & Kingston. Next!
Sheamus and Reigns start it off. Sheamus gets the first cover but Reigns is able to tag Rollins in. Sheamus drags Rollins over to the corner and tags in Orton who sloppily unloads on Rollins.
Is EVERYONE just tired from Extreme Rules? Jeeze. Orton tags Kingston in and he continues the assault on Rollins. Kingston pins Rollins but he breaks out.
A beautiful Side Russian Leg Sweep by Kofi but no pin. Orton is back to try and cover Rollins but no dice. Rollins breaks free to tag Ambrose in. Orton knocks Ambrose into the corner and tags Sheamus in. Righteous stomping by Sheamus to Ambrose. Followed up by a Neckbreaker by Sheamus on Ambrose. Keep up people!
Sheamus tries to cover but no! Ambrose puts Sheamus in The Shield's corner and tags in Rollins who gets in a lot of head shots. Rollins up on the ropes to attack from above, but Sheamus catches him! Oh boy it’s Clobbering time! But NO! The Shield rescue Rollins and take him off the ropes as we go to break.
We are back to see Ambrose overpowering Sheamus. Oh my, that’s like a page out of my diary. Sheamus is in the corner as The Shield attempt to dog pile the Celtic Warrior. Sheamus rears up and throws Reigns into the pole and tags Orton in.
Powerslam by Orton to both Ambrose AND Rollins! Now Orton gets Rollins in a DDT. The Viper coils for some new treachery but Rollins escapes the ring. Orton attempts to drag him back in by the hair when Reigns attacks from out side the ring breaking his grip on Rollins, sending Orton to the floor. Reigns I believe suffers a legit ankle injury and limps off.
Rollins jumps back in the ring to avoid a count out. Orton is back in as well and suddenly Rollins is in control as Ambrose is tagged in. I love that move Ambrose has when he opens his opponents legs like a wish bone and stomps on their stomach.
Ambrose works over Orton with his elbow and goes for a cover but the Viper kicks out in two. Rollins is tagged in as Randy struggles to get back to his feet. Orton stuns himself by hitting his head on the turnbuckle. He’s ok though Randy has no brain! And is up in the ropes gets a Suplex on Rollins. Sheamus is practically foaming at the mouth to get some action. Orton tags him in.
Sheamus takes Ambrose to task. He lifts then drops Ambrose to get a Clobberin in on Rollins. NOW its time for White Noise. OH SNAP! Reigns with a surprise Spear on Sheamus halting said White Noise. Reigns scrambled out of the ring only to be caught by Orton who gets an RKO on him!! Ambrose and Sheamus are the legal men in the ring and they are both on their backs.
Kofi gets the final tag and is in! He covers Ambrose and is going to try and get some payback for losing his title. NO! Ambrose out in 2. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise but Rollins from outside the ring grabs his legs distracting Kofi long enough for Ambrose to get in a drop kick off the ropes putting Kofi DOWN. Ambrose hooks the leg and takes the win! Its over folks The Shield win. THE SHIELD WIN!
Till next time marks!
Don’t follow me @VicFuture
By Graham Mirmina, Kayfabe Kickout Correspondent
Convoluted opening segment featuring Hulk Hogan, Sting, Brooke Hogan and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bully Ray. Everyone was involved for a different purpose, so some aspects of the segment were confusing.
This didn't do much to get me exciting for the TNA World title match between Bully Ray and Sting at Slammiversary.
Lackluster match with the returning Suicide defeating Petey Williams and Joey Ryan in a Triple Threat to earn a shot at the X-Division Championship.
Despite not being around for 2011, the crowd couldn't have cared less for Suicide, which is a shame. The action itself was rather forgettable and not as fast-paced as we're accustomed to seeing from the X-Division. To make matters worse, Kenny King felt like an afterthought on commentary.
Fine match with Magnus defeating Wes Brisco. The set-up was logical and Magnus was above average on the mic here. The match was nothing to write home about, but Magnus picking up the victory was nice to see. Samoa Joe's return didn't feel all that special, but I love the idea of him reuniting with Magnus.
Good match with Mr. Anderson defeating Kurt Angle. We've seen these two face each other countless times before, but they always seem to work well together. Anderson winning was a pleasant surprise, and it was also effective in setting up the segment involving Aces and Eights and AJ Styles later in the night.
Solid segment with James Storm announcing his tag team partner for Slammiversary. Everyone played their roles well, aside from the fact that Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez served little to no purpose. I guess Gunner is a better choice than Chris Harris as Storm's partner. Personally, I've never found Gunner to be exciting, but I hope to see more of his personality shine through in his pairing with The Cowboy.
Decent match with Mickie James defeating Velvet Sky to win the TNA Knockouts Championship. These two don't have the best chemistry together, but James was able to carry Sky to an passable match. James focusing on Sky's injury was well done, as it foreshadowed her highly anticipated heel turn. Slowly building towards her turn is also brilliant booking, as it keeps her feud with Sky fresh and exciting.
Strong segment featuring AJ Styles, Aces and Eights and Kurt Angle to close the show. Styles has been incredibly intriguing since returning to TNA a few months back, and this was no exception. He continues to protray a tweener by attacking both Angle and Aces and Eights, which is probably the best move at this point. I look forward to how the story involving Styles progresses from here.
Overall, a decent show that featured a few highlights, but wasn't as entertaining as the live editions usually are. Nonetheless, nothing on the show was truly terrible, but it didn't exactly light the world on fire, either. Thankfully, the Slammiversary card is shaping up to be an excellent one, so here's hoping they deliver a strong go-home show next week.
By Archie VanderSluis, Kayfabe Kickout Guest Writer
May 20, 2013
Kansas City, Missouri
Ambulance sirens are blaring and if you had looked away and could only hear your television, you may have run back to the living room wondering if WWE had really brought back Scott Steiner.
Alas, it was a real Ambulance and it drove right into the arena lights flashing. The back doors open up to reveal...Ryback. He climbs on top of the vehicle and cuts a promo on Cena. Ryback calls for an Ambulance Match at the next WWE PPV: Pay Back. Also, apparently, “Ryback Rules!”
The Miz teams with Chris Jericho to battle Wade Barrett and Fandango, who is accompanied by Summer Rae. Miz would get to butcher the figure four twice in this match. The first attempted submission was on Barrett and this lead to Fandango grabbing the mic and properly pronouncing his name to the masses. He then had Summer accompany him in dance. Jericho and Miz looked on, confused. Barrett was able to escape on the distraction but Fandango continues to dance while Wade asks, “What are you doing?”. Miz tags Jericho and he hits some traditional Y2J spots before tagging Miz back in. Fandango is still dancing. Miz straps on the Figure Four a second time and Fandango dances on as Barrett keeps time by tapping out. Miz and Jericho approach Fandango who takes off through the crowd knocking a large gentleman to the ground as he fled. Summer was abandoned. Unsure of herself, Summer found solace in Jericho’s outstretched hand. She accepted it and Jericho twirled and dipped her holding her close, nose to nose. Summer is entranced, her lips getting closer to his, falling for his charms. As her eyes start to close and with moist lips prepared, Jericho suddenly face palms her and laughs. Summer is embarrassed and enraged. Jericho just walks away laughing.
Backstage, Daniel Bryan is pacing. Kane enters and Bryan wonders how he can be so calm. The Shield has stripped Team Hell No of the Tag Championships the night before at Extreme Rules and Daniel feels “naked without the title” around his waist. Kane reminds Daniel that he may feel naked because “Well, you’re not wearing a shirt...or pants.” Daniel is upset that Kane is being so flippant and is paranoid that Kane thinks that Bryan is the “weak link” of Team Hell No. The team argues before Kingston comes in to break it up. Bryan storms off.
Sheamus battles Titus O’Neil with Darren Young at ringside. Titus does get a surprising amount of offence in and even drops an audible F Bomb on live tv before Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the 1,2,3 finish.
Paul Heyman has a big announcement. Heyman has a new client. The WWE Universe has been speculating the addition all day. “I don’t think any ECW original could pass #wellness policy” -@RonnieBelmont. RVD was the favorite to join Heyman even leading “RVD” to trend on Twitter. Heyman would not introduce an ECW Original on this night, his new client is...Curtis Axel and he looks alot like Mike McGillicutty who looks a lot like Joe Henning. It is all three in one as Henning is going for a “Faces of Foley” thing perhaps. Heyman explains the name is taken from Henning’s great wrestling heritage. Curtis is a nod to his father Curt “Mr.Perfect” Henning and Axel is a nod to his grandfather Larry “The Axe” Henning. HHH interrupts and says he will beat the hell out of Paul but Axel steps in and gets a bitch slap that sends him to the ground. HHH declares that tonight, he will fight Axel and then take out Heyman.
Big E Langston is lead out by AJ Lee for his match against the #1 contender to Ziggler’s Championship, Alberto Del Rio. “I like to imagine AJ/Big E are two people who had a mutual friend, but that dude is out of town and they have to hang out now.” -@KayfabeComedy. Big E and Del Rio have a good match with both men looking strong. AJ grabs Ricardo’s “spit bucket” and tosses it into the ring causing a distraction to the referee. Big E puts a thumb in ADR’s eye and hits the Big Ending to knock off the #1 contender.
AJ Lee remains in the ring for the next match against Layla. A Black Widow submission hold secures AJ’s victory.
Raw returns from commercial with Ryder vs Rhodes already in progress. What?! Cody wraps it up with a Disaster Kick for the three count. Here comes Ryback, Cody slips out of the ring, Ryder is all alone. Ryback delivers the Meat Hook, a power bomb and the Shell Shock to Ryder before carrying him to the ambulance and tossing him in the back. Poor Ryder.
“Kofi Kingston must be licking his lips seeing all those mid card titles in one place.”-@TableofJapan. The Shield, new championships in hand, cut through the crowd to meet with Team Hell No and Kingston in the ring. It is unclear if Daniel Bryan or The Shield is more over. This match is a must see! WWE gave them lots of time in what should have been the main event. The match of the night ended with Roman spearing Kane after a distraction giving The Shield another victory to their name. If you missed this one, look for it online or catch the Raw replay, it is definitely worth seeing.
The doctor does not want HHH to compete tonight. HHH is the boss and he will do what he wants!
Swagger is out to face the WWE App Choice of the night...Randy Orton. Jack would eventually get a very sloppy Patriot lock on Orton (even switching ankles mid move) before Orton would hit the RKO “out of nowhere”. Swagger is defeated.
The Main Event is HHH vs Curtis Axel. This is being hyped as HHH’s first match on Raw in three years. Curtis works the jaw and face area of HHH with a drop kick, forearms and a chin lock. HHH fights back but is clearly dazed. HHH fights Axel to the outside but when Curtis returns to the ring, HHH finds that he cannot. He tries again but he falls back to the outside. HHH takes a seat and calls for water which he pours over is head. Another attempt to return to the ring fails and the doctors say that HHH is finished, he cannot compete. Can we assume Curtis Axel wins by count out? “Curtis Axel’s finisher is giving his opponent amnesia.” -@StevenAmiri
By Richard Boudreau, Kayfabe Kickout Lead EditorIndependent Wrestling Federationwww.CampIWF.com www.Facebook.com/CampIWF www.Twitter.com/WrestlingIWF IWF LOUD 'n' PROUD Event at Signature Slam Family Fun Day
May 18, 2013 @ Signature Fitness, Belleville, NJ Results Event 1
1. Fifth Element Roman Zachary
& Self-Made Michael T. Blake
defeated Kevin Knight
& Phat Daddy Biggie Biggs
&Mad Dawg Jenkins
in a Six-Man Tag Team Match when Zachary pinned Knight.
2. Kasey Coresh
defeated JD Smooth
and Eddie Franken
in a Triple Threat Elimination Match. Smooth eliminated Franken, then Coresh eliminated Smooth.Results Event 2
1. IWF Heavyweight Champion Roman Zachary
vs. Kevin Knight
was ruled a double count-out.
2. The Down Boyz
(Tony Scorese & Stephen Gibki) & JD Smooth
defeatedOutlaw Shane O'Brien
& Absolutely Edwin
& Kasey Coresh
in a Six-Man Tag Team Match.
3. IWF American Champion Phat Daddy Biggie Biggs
defeated Self-Made Michael T. Blake
to retain the title.
By VicFuture, Kayafabe Kickout Guest Writer
We fight on Friday night!
A review of SmackDown as it happened. (from my living room)
Date: May 17, 2013
PreTaped: May 14, 2013 Wichita, KS
Official drinking game: How many times can "Extreme Rules' be wedged into a sentence.
We open with a heart pounding edition of Miz TV. Meh. I do like a man in a well tailored suit, but…Miz has Randy Orton (sitting up now) and Big Show as his guests.
As you can imagine Show and Orton, this close in a ring, you can feel the tension. I know I can. Miz treats us to a replay of last Friday’s SmackDown and Show being RKO’d by Orton. Luckily Show is good on the mic, Randy, not so much. But who cares, look at him.
What is that blinding light? It’s the real American, Jack Swagger & his handler Zeb Colter. And not to be outdone, Alberto del Rio struts out with Ricardo Rodriguez. Let the shit talking commence!!
What? Mark Henry? Who else is back there, a circus horse? No, but a close second, its Sheamus brandishing a leather strap! Oh my, I think I am learning a lot about myself over the course of a few weeks doing these reviews.
This is the second most shameless plug for a PPV I’ve witnessed since WM29. Unrelated, I will be buying Extreme Rules this Sunday.
We return from break with the No.1 Playa, Teddy Long. Who, unbelievably is making a tag team match. That’s not like him. Anyway 6 man Tag Match as the Main Event.
Card: Roman Reins and Seth Rollins vs The Uso’s.
Roman Reins came to the ring literally dripping. I will not make the joke. The Uso’s came out, a bit less sweaty, a lot more tribal. The match is over quickly. Roman tussels with Jey and Seth with Jimmy. Ambrose smiling like a cat ringside made this match for me. It didn’t take long before Reins Speared Jey Uso and pinned him, taking the win. The Shield as a group decided to toss Jey a beating as he lay in the center of the ring. But Kofi Kingston charges in to stop the injustice. Yeah, Kingston is going heel soon enough. I predict after he loses to Ambrose at Extreme Rules. Which is this Sunday.
We return from break to catch Teddy Long chatting with Miz about the success of Miz TV. We are graced with a visit by Damien Sandow who proposes a show featuring him. Oh Teddy, you so crazy Playa. Miz vs Sandow tonight for a shot at a TV show.
Replay of Monday Night RAW Ryback vs Cena at Extreme Rules. This Sunday.
AWWWW SHIT! It’s that TIME! The disco ball has dropped and the Funkadactyls are ass to ass, it must be Tons of Funk. Annnnnd more commercials!
Card: Tons of Funk vs Prime Time Players.
We resume the to see D. Young playing the meat in a chubby sandwich as Clay and Tensai smash him. I have to wash my eyes after that. Quote of the night JBL: “This guy here is a genetic freak.” As Titus O’Neil is tagged in. You say freak, I say WOWZERS.
A SECOND smashing of poor Young between the two behemoths and he’s pinned by Clay who takes the win. And now DANCING! Ok ok, just go to commercial.
Card: Chris Jericho vs Antonio Cesaro
Jericho comes in as per usual. Blinking jacket and corny ‘Rage’ ripoff. Cesaro looking more and more like a European dictator, aviator shades and a beret. Where do I sign up?
I can watch Cesaro wrestle all day. He is absolutely amazing to watch, technically perfect, beautiful in his physique. And he really takes it to old man Jericho. I was distracted by that stupid WWE App picture in picture of Fandango and Summer Rae in the corner of the screen and missed some of the action. But Jericho is no slouch and holds his own. He gets a Springboard drop kick off Cesaro knocking him out of the ring as we cut to commercial.
Cesaro gets Jericho into a cover but Jericho kicks out. Jericho got a lot of air during this match, but Cesaro in reality would crush Jericho. And I have a hard time suspending my belief that Cesaro could be brought down by Jericho. But I watch as Cesaro is slapped around by Jericho, and all of Cesaro’s pins are futile.
Annnnnnd predictably Cesaro’s hubris is his downfall. Cesaro wastes time ‘shaming’ Jericho with a series of slaps. Cesaro hoists up Jericho but ‘shockingly’ Jericho counters and rolls Cesaro into a Walls forcing Cesaro to tap out. Booo. You guys are wasting Cesaro.
I am consoled by the fact that Fandango is here to crap on Jericho’s win. A sneak attach by the ballroom dancer turned wrestler adds to Fandango's heel factor. He slips in and out landing a few hits on Jericho, but jets out before Y2J can hurt his moneymaker. Jericho drops a Codebreaker on Cesaro who tried to take advantage of the Fandango fiasco.
Recap of Monday Night RAW Swagger/Del Rio/Big E Langston. This Sunday Extreme Rules. This Sunday.
PSA by Zeb Colter. Dropping Benghazi into this, wow. I love this angle! Keep it up. Weed the People, people.
Card: Damian Sandow vs The Miz And don’t forget , Extreme Rules, this Sunday
Cody Rhodes, looking like a Gatsby extra is at the Announcers table.
Sandow is now sporting sparkling trunks. I don’t need ANY more reason to look at this man. DING DING DING!
Sandow as always is super aggressive. We are treated to a grilling of Rhodes by Cole about the ‘nature’ of Rhodes and Sandow's relationship. OBV they are just best friends. Gah.
Rhodes, who has apparently lost his mind, grabs the mike and commands the audience to stand and applause Sandow. Um, sit down Cody. Im trying to watch TV and this goddam App in the corner of my screen is already screaming for my attention.
Miz, who took a lot of punishment from Sandow early on, has turned the tide and is hammering Sandow. Connecting off the top rope, going for the Figure Four, but Cody distracts and the hold is broken. Not for long, Miz gets Sandow back into the Figure Four and Sandow taps out. Miz takes the win as Sandow limps off with Rhodes. Oh don’t forget Extreme Rules this Sunday.
Spandex Match: Kaitlyn vs Aksana
You’ll be interested to know Kaitlyn's secret crush has a twitter handle. Cole informs us; "Aksana likes money and all things associated with money.” Yeah, no shit asshole. Me too.
As usual these Divas matches are lame, mainly because the two opponents are usually models who can’t wrestle. Both Kaitlyn and Aksana are better than most but the way the matches are framed and the non stop commentary sort of kills any pretense that we, as an audience should be taking this seriously.
Michael Cole put it best ”But it was a spear in the end by the Divas Champion that did in Aksana.” Yeah, thanks boys. Kaitlyn takes the win.
Brock Lesnar / Triple H Extreme Rules Package.
Main Event: Alberto Del Rio accompanied by Ricardo Rodrigues / Sheamus/Randy Orton
(Had to pause for a moment to wipe my brow) vs Jack Swagger Accompanied by Zeb Colter/The Big Show/Mark Henry
Swagger and Del Rio start things off. And Del Rio is all over Swagger. Swagger is on his knees as Orton tags himself in to punish Swagger further. (Coincidentally this how a dream I once had started.) Del Rio is back working Swaggers kidneys. And then launches himself through the ropes to connect with Swagger who is outside the ring.
Now Shows up! He’s got Del Rio on the ropes, standing on his back. The ref is clearly out of his league. (more so than usual) This is quickly turning into a circus. Swagger scores some points in on a prone Del Rio when no one is looking. Show tosses Del Rio into the corner and tags Swagger back in. A few knees to the chest and now Henry wants a bit of this action. Henry head butts Del Rio four times and tags Swagger back in. But Swagger takes it to the mush when Del Rio raises his two legs to intercept Swagger's assault. Del Rio turns to punch Mark Henry and back again to face Swagger, catching him with a Backbreaker.
Swagger rolls out of the ring as Del Rio is trying to tag in someone, any one. Show swoops in with an elbow to the heart. (WTF JBL, ‘elbow to the heart?’) Show tosses del Rio one last time before we go to break. (Phew, I thought was going to have a seizure trying to keep up.)
We come back from commercial break to see Del Rio STILL in the ring with Swagger, who unsuccessfully tries to Spear Del Rio but catches a pole to the shoulder instead, which brings the Real American to his knees. Del Rio has been in here, what like 9 – 10 minutes now? Both men trying to make it to their corners but Swagger tags in Show and Del Rio is going to have to go a few more rounds, as Show lifts him up dragging him away from his teammates.
Big Show lifts Del Rio who counters with head scissors, knocking Show to the mat. Del Rio FINALLY makes a tag with Sheamus who's hot to get in the ring. Bodies collide as Sheamus bounces off of Show a few times. Sheamus misses a drop from the top rope and Show catches him by the throat, going for a Chokeslam. But Sheamus gets out of it and LIFTS Show, stunning the giant with White Noise! Sheamus pops Mark Henry, just cause, and goes for the Brogue but is countered by Show with a righteous Chokeslam! Show covers Sheamus but he kicks out in two.
Now Swagger is in with Sheamus (you keeping up?) Swagger has Sheamus in a series of holds and goes for the pin, but the Irishman likes to fight and slips out. Swagger drops Sheamus and the two are down. Orton is chomping at the bit to get in but Sheamus fails to make the tag.
Henry is up, here to bring a little pain to Sheamus. A preview, if you will, of their ‘Strap Match” at Extreme Rules. Question: Does Mark Henry beating on Sheamus and calling him ‘boy’ counts towards reparations? Get back to me on that WWE universe.
Henry, who I imagine tires quickly, makes the tag to Show. Sheamus gets in a handful of body blows before he’s Clotheslined by Show. “Thay thumting now fella,” Jack Swagger yells. I looked away to make that joke only to look up and see Big Show giant slapping Sheamus’ chest.
Matthews to JBL:”You know John, it’s almost like you enjoy watching people get hurt.”
JBL: “I do.”
Swagger Clothesline's Sheamus, then a Swaggerbomb & the pin. Sheamus is out in two. Swagger is up on the top rope to go for another Swaggerbomb when Sheamus pops up between his legs (yes I just made that sentence) and drops Swagger to the mat.
Now Orton is in, Clothesline then Powerslam to Swagger. Mark Henry where did you come from? Henry blasts into Orton. Now Show sends Sheamus to the floor. Del Rio gets Henry in the back of the head! Sheamus with a Brogue on Show!! Too fast, too fast!! Wait, what ? Del Rio is in, tries & misses only to get caught by Swagger with a Patriot Lock! But no!! Orton RKO’s Swagger from behind, hooks his leg and gets the fall for the win. It’s over, right? I hear the bell. Yes, Orton, Sheamus and Del Rio are the winners. I’m ready for Extreme Rules. It's this Sunday in case you were wondering. I’m off to spell-check this bitch.
Till next time marks!
Don’t follow me @VicFuture
By Graham Mirmina, Kayfabe Kickout Correspondent
Effective opening segment featuring Hulk Hogan, Joseph Park, D'Lo Brown and Television Champion Devon. It wasn't anything special, but it served its purpose in setting up a match between AJ Styles and Kurt Angle at Slammiversary and a match between Joseph Park and D'Lo Brown for later in the evening.
If nothing else, this was a standard segment that set the stage for the rest of the show.
Forgettable match with Bobby Roode defeating World Tag Team Champion Chavo Guerrero by disqualification. The match wasn't necessarily bad, but it was far too brief to mean anything. I understand that James Storm interfered to attack Roode after what happened last week, but it draws back to the feud these two already had. I liked how it was reminiscent of when Roode turned on Storm in late 2011, but I do not wish to see them face another at any point in the foreseeable future.
Nice segment featuring Kurt Angle, AJ Styles and Mr. Anderson. Everyone played their roles well and gave viewers something to look forward to next week. I doubt Styles ends up joining Aces and Eights, but I continue to be intrigued by his character, regardless. I'm sure Angle vs. Styles at Slammiversary will be the match of the night, but I simply can't get excited about a bout we've seen one too many times in the last five years.
Fine match with Jay Bradley defeating Christian York in a Bound For Glory Series Semi-Final match. York has tremendous potential, but this was not one of his better outings. The same can be said for Bradley, who also failed to impress. Nonetheless, we've seen far worse matches involving Gut Check competitors before, so I'll take this bout for what it was worth. I like the idea of holding a tournament to see which Gut Check contestant qualifies for the Bound For Glory series, as it gives the series more meaning.
Decent match with Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky defeating Gail Kim. We've seen face one another countless times before, so this was nothing out of the ordinary. Sky isn't the best worker in the ring, but she held her own here and Kim mostly carried her to a exceptional match. Here's hoping that Sky's title match with Mickie James next week results in a heel turn for James, as she is in desperate need of a change in character at this point.
Good Triple Threat match with Kenny King successfully retaining his X-Division Championship against Chris Sabin and Petey Williams. As always, all three competitors executed some cool spots, but there was no real excitement to the bout. Williams getting pinned was logical, but the Triple Threat concept continues to grow tiresome. I would much rather see a one-on-one match between King and Sabin for the title at Slammiversary.
Throwaway match with World Tag Team Champion Hernandez defeating Daniels. Similar to Roode vs. Guerrero from earlier in the evening, this bout was mostly meaningless. The action was mediocre and Storm's interference was extremely predictable. I surely hope Storm's mystery partner isn't Chris Harris, who was clearly in no shape to compete the last time he returned to TNA two years ago.
Harmless match with Joseph Park defeating D'Lo Brown. The match wasn't meant to be a five star classic, so I was content with what we got. I enjoy the Park character, but I'm not sure how they're going to be able to manage it with Abyss recently returning. I'm also confused with Brown right now, as he appeared to be gone from the faction as of last week.
Solid segment featuring the contract signing for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship match at Slammiversary between Bully Ray and Sting . Sting can be a great mic worker when he's motivated, and this was surely one of those times. Ray was excellent as always and really sold me on the additional stipulations for the bout. Sting never challenging for the strap again if he loses is an intriguing twist that has me hoping that this is TNA's way of slowly moving Sting out of the title picture for good.
Overall, a decent show that succeeded in establishing the card for Slammiversary and making each advertised match feel significant. Nothing exciting happened on this show, and there didn't need to be. The taped shows are almost always less important than the live editions, so I'm excited for what else TNA has in store as Slammiversary quickly approaches.
By Archie VanderSluis, Kayfabe Kickout Guest Writer
May 13 2013
The BOK Center
“Everybody Dance Now!” would have made a nice intro to Raw tonight. The ring has a retrofitted hard wood dance floor staged over the mat.
The WWE is having an “Extreme” PPV this Sunday so what better way to pump up the Universe than to stage a dance competition? Jericho and his dance partner (?) vs Fandango and Summer Rae. Fandango demands silence so that he can concentrate. During his routine he drops Summer Rae causing her to twist her ankle. She is unable to continue. Fandango is outraged and exits the ring towards the back. Jericho and his partner attempt to help Summer while Fandango sneaks back to the ring undetected to attack Jericho from behind. Fandango tosses Y2J to the outside and into everything from the steel stairs to the announce table. Jericho is left on the ground as Fandango reenters the ring and extends his hand to Summer who leaps up on her “twisted ankle” to reveal the ruse. That Jezebel was playing possum. Heel! @realjasonrivera called it with his earlier tweet; “I hope Summer gets up and reveals she’s not even hurt because that’s the heel thing to do.”
Time for a little R&R as Ryback would squash Ryder in mere moments on his march towards the Last Man Standing Match with Cena this Sunday. Ryder has to be happy that he is being used on tv for something. (Barry O. 2013!)
More dancing please! Here comes Tons of Fun to take on the Prime Time Players. This is a quick tag with Darren Young assisting with the win when he hit Brodus with his hair pick? allowing Titus to roll him up. PTP get the victory and neither team advances to the PPV on Sunday.
Teddy Long comes out to make an announcement regarding the Triple Threat Ladder Match for the World Title on Sunday. Dolph, the champion, will not be cleared to compete as he has a serious concussion from the ladder and later a boot to the head by Swagger. Teddy, who really wants to make this a tag match, decides that Swagger and Alberto Del Rio will fight in a number one contenders “I Quit” match at Extreme Rules. Tonight though, the WWE Universe will vote on the WWE App to see if Big E will face Swagger or ADR in the ring.
Kofi Kingston, the United States Champion, makes his way out for his match against Sandow. The announce team reveal that at Extreme Rules Kofi will defend his title against Dean Ambrose of The Shield. This would lead to some of this... “Ahem. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” - @indiandeathlock as the internet wet itself. Sandow makes his way down, post orgasm, but he will not sing for the masses tonight. He insults Kofi’s music and his title reign. Kofi gets a swift reprise as he defeats Sandow quickly. At least no one danced.
Mark Henry is in the ring with Josh Mathews and gets Josh, why Josh? why?, to attach himself to the opposite end of the strap Henry has. After Josh attaches himself Mark knocks him down and proceeds to drag Josh around the ring while Mark touches every turn buckle in succession to display how he will win the match. Out comes Sheamus. Henry readies himself with the strap. Sheamus comes to ringside and pulls his own (identical) strap from beneath the ring. Sheamus charges in to confront Henry but he retreats.
Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro graduate their match to Raw this week but it is for the purpose of making The Viper strong for his match with Big Show Sunday. Cesaro loses a quick one to the RKO as Orton picks up the pinfall.
The Miz makes his return and Oklahoma...loves him? 3MB’s Slater will be Miz’s challenger. The match is another quick one that sees the crowd pop for Miz applying his blasphemous Figure Four for the submission win.
What should have been the Main Event is on next because...well, HHH is the Main Event (of coarse). The Shield vs Team Hell No and John Cena in a six man elimination match. The “Let’s go Bryan!” chants are loud as he is beaten down by The Shield. When Kane enters he takes out The Shield with malice. Kane gets carried away and is DQ’ed for using a piece of the announce table as a weapon. The Shield then picks apart Cena as Bryan awaits the hot tag. “How good is Daniel Bryan?” asks Micheal Cole? Bryan gets eliminated by Ambrose and the odds switch to three on one. Rollins is pinned by Cena and it’s two on one. Roman decides to spear Cena when Ambrose is the legal man and Reigns is DQ’ed. One on one. Dean tries to take advantage of the Roman Reigns Spear but Super Cena is too much. Cena straps on the STF on Ambrose. The tap out is coming...but so are the Shield! Roman and Seth attack Cena effectively getting Ambrose DQ’ed as well. The three rebels then proceed to triple power bomb Cena as Team Hell No is nowhere to be found. Ryback comes out and stands over Cena momentarily before heading to the back again. Ryback stops on the ramp, swivels around and returns to the ring with a steel chair. He slams the steel onto Cena’s injured ankle one time, hard.
Jack Swagger has won the WWE App poll in his home state of Oklahoma and will face Big E Langston. Langston is getting better every week but Swagger will win this one by count out. ADR comes out but Swagger secures the Patriot Lock. Ricardo nails Swagger from behind with a bucket and Jack returns the favor with his boot. ADR recovers and goes for the cross arm breaker. Big E returns and breaks the hold by attacking Swagger. Del Rio is the only man left standing in the ring.
Natalya gets some wrestling time this week on Raw as she challenges the number one contender, to Kaitlyn’s Diva’s Championship, AJ. There is a circus ringside as Khali, Hornswoggle, Kaitlyn and The Bella Twins are all present. Another short match. AJ tangles up Nattie in The Black Widow to cause the tap out. AJ wins, much to the disappointment of @KeepItFiveStar “NATALYA! You’re a HART! You could have countered that in your sleep!”
Jericho does a quick interview with bloodshot eyes saying that there will be no more “fooling around”, he will bring it to Fandango at Extreme Rules!
Here comes The Game for the Main Event Talk Time! “This is gonna take forever, isn’t it?” -@IFOWrestling would ask rhetorically. The cage descends from the ceiling and HHH spews verbiage towards Lesnar. Heyman and Brock appear on the ramp and HHH goads Brock to come into the cage. Heyman is against this idea but Brock does what Brock wants and is easily bullied into any situation because of his ego. The cage door closes, the shirts come off and HHH and Lesnar slug at each other. Each man has the advantage for a short time before Brock is tossed out of the cage through the door. Brock wins?
The Raw “Go Home” show to Extreme Rules was very tame with quick wins and loses and little promotion of the PPV. The WWE App seemed to be the most important this WWE wanted to push tonight but in the end it was @HeelZiggler who was the social media darling of the night as he tweeted along with Raw, while heavily concussed.
By VicFuture, Kayfabe Kickout Guest Writer
We fight on Friday night!
A review of SmackDown as it happened. (from my living room)
Date: May 10, 2013
PreTaped: May 7, 2013 Detroit, Mn
Official drinking game: Not tonight honey, I have a headache.
We start off the evening with Chris Jericho's highlight reel and his special guest is Ryback. Oh the memories. Surprisingly Ryback is not a good guest. Just when it looks like Jericho and Ryback will get to fightin’, hold on Playa! It’s Teddy Long, announcing that Ryback will face Jericho in the Main Event. Upon hearing this, Ryback drops Jerichoand stalks off.
Card: US Champ Kofi Kingston vs Cody Rhodes
This match starts off fast and furious. Both of these men are quick and the balance of power shifts back and forth. Rhodes at one point stops to pull down a knee guard to give the full brunt of his knee to Kofi. (A nod to his best friend and mentor Damien Sandow) Kofi gets a lot of air in this match but he can’t seem to pin Rhodes. Rhodes goes for the Disaster kick but gets countered by Kofi with a Trouble in Paradise who takes the win.
Replay of Paul Heyman and Brock Lesner making a ‘terrifying’ visit to the Corporate offices of WWE. For a billion dollar franchise I think they ought to stop buying Ikea furniture and get and pick up a copy of Architectural Digest. Class it up a bit.
Renee 'Reeba’ Young Interviews Zeb Colter as Jack Swagger leers over her shoulder. Judging from the wardrobe change, I think Cabelas HAS pulled their sponsorship of Zeb. His vest looks like he cut some arm holes out of a sleeping bag. Everyone's a critic, I know.
Card: Big E. Langston accompanied by Dolph Ziggler and AJ Lee vs Jack Swagger accompanied by Zeb Colter.
Alberto Del Rio joins the Announcers table.
Big E must have bought a Hasbro magic set. He claps his hands and a puff of smoke appears for him to dramatically step through. AJ is looking fetchingly crazy this evening. Ziggler, not so much. You can’t beat that entrance, so they to don't and cut to commercial.
We return with a replay of last Monday's RAW when Swagger gives everyone around him a taste of the steel ladder.
So to shake things up tonight, Del Rio tosses a ladder into the ring! What a good idea. The match hasn’t even started and bodies are flying out of the ring! Ziggler makes for the ladder and gets kicked in the head by Swagger, sending him out of the ring. Big E and Swagger are now in a tug of war for the ladder as Zeb steps in and swats Langston on the back. Don’t turn around Big E! Oh, you turned around. Swagger bucks Langston in the breadbasket opening himself up for a punch that send him spilling out of the ring. Ziggler like a bolt of 80s lightning crashes into Swagger sending him to the mat.
Ziggler takes that ladder and tosses it to Swagger who foolishly catches it, allowing Ziggler to drop kick the ladder and Swagger! Zeb in an effort to help his Manchurian Candidate, drags the ladder out of the ring but not before Ziggler slides across the mat pushing it and Zeb out to the floor.
WTF? Del Rio enters the ring, whipping off his jacket hits Ziggler, sending the WWE Champ to the floor. Well, that's everyone! Now its Del Rio’s turn with the ladder,bashing Ziggler in the skull. And out of the ring Del Rio uses that same ladder to clobber Swagger, who's still reeling from his earlier fall.
Del Rio now erects the ladder, Ziggler's belt in hand, climbs it to symbolically reach for his ‘title'. A sharp reminder that he is seriously gunning for this belt. Del Rio's music is cued and the crowd eats it up. I still can't believe Del Rio is THIS over. He killed Santa for Christ's sake!
Card: Daniel Bryan accompanied by Kane vs Dean Ambrose accompanied by Seth Rollins and Roman Reins
We come back from break to see Ambrose getting the pin on Kofi Kingston on last Monday’s RAW.
Sierra..Hotel.India.Echo.Lima Delta!! The Hounds of Justice descend the stairs, Ambrose jauntily leading the pack. I think I can watch Seth Rollins awkwardly tumble over the barrier. Every. Single. Day.
Here comes Daniel Bryan to settle a score. He was assaulted by the Shield last Monday and he’s ready to get some payback. The bell is still echoing as Bryan flies into Ambrose, knees first! Bryan’s strength is in his legs, as he works over Ambrose. But soon Ambrose is on his feet, and head butts Bryan.
Bryan is pissed and he's back to working on Ambrose with those little legs of his, to chants of YES! Ambrose rolls out of the ring to escape Bryan but oh ho ho! Bryan launches himself across the ring out through the ropes landing on Ambrose! Holy Shit!! Reins steps up but Kane is there to even it out, Roman backs down for now.
The match resumes with Ambrose covering Bryan, but he kicks out. Ambrose's crazy face when he's going for a pin is hypnotizing me.
Using submission holds on Bryan who styles himself as a submission expert is crazy! Ambrose puts Bryan in yet another submission hold. Breaking free Bryan can’t catch his breath as the madness of Ambrose refuses to quit. Grabbing Bryan by the shoulders, Ambrose grinds Bryans shoulders down. Bryan struggles and that seems to fuels Ambrose mania, he changes positions into something a little more painful. Some neck work.
Bryan eventually gets some separation and a few good body blows on Ambrose, but its not enough as Ambrose drop kicks him masterfully. This allows Ambrose to cover Bryan again, but the worlds toughest vegan is out in two.
Mmmm submission anyone? Ambrose is back on Bryan, holding him from behind, shouting at Bryan to submit. But gotdamn! Bryan don’t quit and once again breaks free. These guys are making me tired!
Ambrose tries to go for a running kick while Bryan is up against the ropes but is not quick enough and goes shoulder first into the steel pole, getting hung up in the ropes! Now its Bryan to deliver more leg work to Ambrose who is still reeling from the pole. Bryan LIFTS Ambrose up and over the ropes to hang him upside down! Ambrose is flailing like a fish on a hook as Bryan works his midsection. Bryan goes for a front kick to the gut dropping Ambrose like a sack of potatoes. Bryan goes for the cover but NO! Kick out in two! Shit! That was close! I mean yeah Daniel Bryan!
These guys are running on fumes now. Bryan gets in a few more kicks but Ambrose counters Bryan and gets him in a Backslide. Beautiful! But no! Bryan breaks free in two. Im going to faint!
Daniel ascends the ropes only to spot Rollins and Reins closing in. Kane is there to stop their interference. Bryan connects with a drop kick from the top rope. Pins Ambrose but OH HELL YES! Ambrose kicks out in two and a HALF!
Slap fight! Ambrose tosses Bryan around like a 40s housewife. Ambrose goes for the pin, but OMG No! Bryan kicks out in two. And that is when Ambrose's crazy light goes off! Repeatedly Ambrose knees Bryan in the head. But Bryan claims to be able to counter ANY move and he counters Ambrose to get him into a No Lock.
This is a real Sophie's Choice for me. I love Daniel Bryan, but I think I love Ambrose more. I don’t want to see him lose. But it looks like Ambrose is going to HAVE to tap out of this one. Kane is keeping Rollins from jumping in to help. But no one is watching Reins, who sneaks around the ref and kicks Bryan in the head, breaking the hold! Brian reels, Ambrose is free & the ref is none the wiser. And just like that Reins and Rollins dogpile Kane!
Ambrose is getting ready to put Bryan into what could be the final hold when WTF? KOFI KINGSTON jumps in! Oh yeah, he's got beef with Ambrose from his last match with Ambrose on RAW. This is the closest thing we've seen to a heel turn for Kingston ever! Kingston, fresh as a daisy has no problem spearing Ambrose and wails on his head like a mad dog. That’s it folks the DQ bell is ringing. I don't think Kofi heard it, he continues to visit pain on Ambrose. Rollins jumps in to take on Bryan. Where is Reins you ask? Why he’s being tossed into the crowd by Kane!
Kingston throws Ambrose over the ropes. Ambrose manages to hold on, but not for long as Kofi puts two boots into his face. Good night. The crowd is up. Kofi’s theme music is cued. The Shield back away like whipped dogs disappear into the stairs, as the crowd chants YES.
Ambrose wins by a DQ for outside interference.
As a palate cleanser, we get to see Mark Henry strapped into a harness to pull a tractor trailer. I love that Damien Sandow was on set in his bathrobe. But I digress, just a single tractor trailer, pfft. Lets double down and get another truck in here! Chop Chop.
We come back from break to see the whipping of the whitest man, Sheamus, by a large black man, Mark Henry. I had a chuckle. I think the first purchase I will make with my tax money will be Extreme Rules just to see this ‘Strap Match’. I can't even say it without getting a chill.
OK we are back in the parking lot. Mark Henry is strapped into a harness, two trucks behind him. If Henry doesn’t pull these trucks I hope he just eats Matt Striker. But after some encouragement from the crowd, he gets those two trucks to move! I don’t care if this is fake, THAT was awesome!
Recap of last Monday Night RAW /package for Extreme Rules : Last Man Standing.
Renee Young has a tete a tete with the Viper, Randy Orton.
We get a replay of heel Show (my favorite Show) clocking Orton on Monday Night RAW. And a threat of mayhem to come in their Extreme Rules match.
Card: Big Show vs Tensai -Sweet Tea accompanied by Brodus Clay & the Funkadactyls.
Big Show starts out but pummeling Tensai, but he turns it around on Show and for a second it looks like Tensai is going to gain some ground. “Boy I like these aggressive big guys!” Thank you JBL, you make my job easier. But as I turned my head to grab a smoke, Show KO’s Tensai!! It was over so quick Tensai's head ‘tatts’ didn’t have a chance to be wiped off.
With Tensai down, Clay comes to his aid. Show was ABOUT to leave but decided Brodus needs to get a few licks. Brodus slaps Show around a bit but Show gets in a Spear off the ropes. The Funkasaurus is down. Show winds up to KO Clay when Oh SNAP! Orton jumps in and RKO’s Show! Payback is a bitch, a hot muscular bitch. Get up there Randy strike a pose, you know how I like it.
Oh how I hate women. The Kaitlyn ‘secret crush’ angle powers on. (Please let it be Hornswoggle. Please god, please.) Also, it’s not nice to laugh at Kahli people… but I do it anyway. And I will see you all in hell.
Main Event: Chris Jericho vs Ryback
Let me start off by saying, I don’t like Jericho. Yeah I know he's a good wrestler and puts guys over, blah blah blah. But the jacket and the corny Y2J shtick, I can’t do it. You can’t make me.
Out lumbers Ryback. Wake up folks, its time to wrestle! DING DING DING!
The HIGHLIGHT of this match is when the mark in the front row loses his phone as Ryback slams Jericho into the barrier. I'm still laughing as I write this! I’d pay to hear that guy placing his call customer service about his warranty.
A sloppy spot by Jericho as he drop kicks Ryback. For a gorilla, Ryback is very agile, he’s all over Jericho like a cheap suit. Not trying to cover him but to punish him. And punish him he does. I almost feel bad for old man Jericho, but not really. The crowd is booing the shit out of Ryback as he’s got Jericho by the head in a viscous submission hold.
Jericho has the speed advantage, bouncing all over the ring, wearing Ryback’s stamina down. But when he gets caught by Ryback, he gets CAUGHT. Ryback visits some serious bodyslams on Jericho.
Ryback has an epic nipslip as he hovers over Jericho. (Wardrobe: Someone needs to let out Ryback's unitard.) Ryback gets a Meathook on Jericho. Then puts Jericho on his back, marching around for the Shellshock, but NO! Jericho breaks out and rolls Ryback into a Walls. The power of Ryback cannot be denied and he makes it to the ropes, forcing Jericho to break. Jericho then gets a Codebreaker on Ryback sending him out of the ring. Both men are on now outside the ring as the ref is counting them out. Ryback manhandles Jericho, planting him into the steel pole. That’s a no no. DQ for Ryback and Jericho is the winner? Meh, this needs to go to Extreme Rules for a no DQ match to just FINISH IT.
That’s it folks, see you next week.
Don’t follow me @VicFuture
By Graham Mirmina, Kayfabe Kickout Correspondent
Intriguing opening segment featuring Sting, Kurt Angle and AJ Styles. Most people assumed Styles would be the third man in the six-man tag team match, so it was nice to see Sting and Angle make the offer only for Styles to refuse. Styles continues to be one of the best booked acts in TNA at the moment, so I'm glad he has yet to pick a side.
His brawl with Angle leads me to believe that those two might be feuding with one another going forward. Although their matches are always excellent, it's hard to get excited about a feud we've seen countless times before.
Nice tag team match with Knockouts Champion Velvet Sky and Mickie James defeating Gail Kim and Tara. The action was fine for what it was, but it definitely could have gone longer than three minutes given the star power involved. I was expecting tension to be teased between Sky and James at some point in the bout, but it ended being between Tara and Kim instead. However, I'm not complaining, Kim's attack on Tara was well done and a logical way of writing her off television if she is indeed taking time off for the foreseeable future.
Decent match with Magnus defeating D.O.C. It was given much time, but it served its purpose in furthering the D'Lo Brown story-line. Brown has always felt like an awkward addition in Aces and Eights, so I wouldn't mind if he was eventually removed from the group. It's also nice to see Magnus score a victory here, despite the fact it was overshadowed by the drama surrounding Brown.
Entertaining number one contender's tag team match with Bad Influence taking on the tandem of Bobby Roode and Austin Aries with James Storm serving as the special guest referee. The match started off with the exchanging of the heel tactics, but the action was fun to watch down the stretch. Storm ruling the bout a no contest made sense, but it could also be seen coming from a mile away. I'm interested to see how Storm fits into all of this, but it's a shame that there's so few tag teams to contend for the straps.
Good segment featuring X-Division Champion Kenny King and Chris Sabin. King played his role as the cocky heel well, while Sabin made for a sympathetic babyface. This is the most invested I've been in an X-Division feud in a great while, so I was glad to see them devote some time to these two and their rivalry. The Triple Threat gimmick still needs some tweaking, but I look forward to Sabin contending for the title on next week's show.
Solid match with Sting, Kurt Angle and the returning Abyss defeating TNA World Heavyweight Champion Bully Ray, Television Champion Devon and Mr. Anderson. The in-ring action was mediocre at best, but they did a nice job of building suspense for who the mystery third person would be. I, for one, am excited to see Abyss return, as he hasn't been seen on TNA television in over a year and now feels fresh. I don't know how he'll fit into this story-line with Aces and Eights, but I highly anticipate where they go from here.
Overall, a great show that wasn't high on in-ring action, but it certainly delivered in terms of sheer entertainment and logical booking decisions. For the first time in recent memory, I'm satisfied with the direction TNA is taking and find myself looking forward to Slammiversary. The live aspect of the show played a major factor in that, so here's hoping they can continue the strong momentum in coming weeks.
By Archie VanderSluis, Kayfabe Kickout Guest Writer
Roanoke Civic Center, VA
May 6, 2013
John Cena comes to the ring and wants to talk Ryback. He channels Daniel Bryan for some “Yes/No” musings about Ryback before he is interrupted by Vickie who in turn introduces Cena’s stimulation tonight, Ryback. Cena says that it does not matter what kind of match they have at Extreme Rules.
He suggests it could be a Vickie Guerrero Granny Panties on a pole match for all he cares. (“I hate comedy.”-@LanceStorm would reflect.) Ryback get to choose. He tells Cena it will be a “Last Man Standing” match.
Orton is already in the ring when we return from commercial. His opponent for the night is Damien Sandow. Sandow saunters to the ring singing Randy’s theme music with his own lyrics depicting Orton as a boring wrestler. Sandow tells everyone, “You’re Welcome”. “The only thing that would have made it better was if he read it off the back of a frisbee.” -@BraveSirRobinBP would tweet. Sandow got some offense but as he foreshadowed, the Viper’s match was by the numbers. Clothes lines, snap powerslam off the ropes, draping DDT, (he’s feelin’ it), RKO, 1,2,3, Orton wins. The camera is on the announce team when Big Show gives the KO punch to Orton on top of the ramp so the TV audience is treated with a replay of the attack.
Jericho is out to a huge pop next. He says that he has set up a judges panel that includes himself and Tons of Fun to critique Fandango. The flash mob sensation, Fandango dances his way to ringside with some new arm candy. (Bye, bye Summer Rae). The judges score his entrance low. R Truth shimmies down next and the judges love it, much to Fandango’s chagrin. “We dance on Monday Night!”-JBL comments. It turns out that this is an actual match and not a dance off. Fandango loses the advantage quickly and is ejected from the ring. The judges love this scoring it very high and Fandango is disgusted by this. He exits the ringside area and walks to the back with his new girl. Fandango picks up his first televised loss by count out. The streak is over.
Daniel Bryan is nose to nipple with Ryback in the back. He challenges Ryback to a match tonight. Ryback tells Bryan, because of the beating Daniel took from the Shield on Friday, Bryan is not 100% so Ryback will do him a favor and say “no”. Kane steps into camera and asks, “What about me?” Ryback tells Kane he will show the Universe there is only one real monster left in WWE and that is Ryback. The match is made for later on Raw.
Alberto Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodrigez for his match against the World Champion Dolph Ziggler who has his posse in tow. It is not long before Swagger and Colter join the action ringside. Ziggler takes a great bump in this when ADR gives him a face first suplex from the second turnbuckle. The Cross Arm Breaker leads to AJ’s interference so that Big E can break it up, but Langston is caught by the ref tossing ADR into Swagger at the announce table. Ziggler loses by disqualification. Swagger grabs a ladder and spears Ricardo with it. Jack is mad, he does the same to Ziggler and then tosses the ladder at Del Rio. Everyone is down save Jack Swagger who looks around at his carnage with a psycho look in his eye.
The Shield continue to dominate WWE’s three man tags as the Uso and Kingston connection fail to get the job done when Ambrose pins Kofi with his front falling DDT.
Cesaro has a quick match squashing Ryder with the Neutralizer for the 1,2,3. Cesaro calls his competition “pathetic”. He says that he puts the “W” in WWE. Cesaro says no one on NXT, Main Event, Saturday Slam, SmackDown or Raw compares to him. Serious Cesaro is a great step for this character.
Paul Heyman is live (via satellite). He shows video of Brock Lesnar invading the WWE HQ. Brock trashes HHH’s office. Throws the phone, snaps the laptop, breaks the keyboard, tosses the computer monitor, beats on a replica World Championship and splinters the sledgehammer displayed on the wall. “That was pretty extreme.” Paul quips. Heyman implies that he will no longer hold the beast back, that from now on he will only encourage Lesnar’s destructive ways. HHH hits the ring live. HHH is not intimidated like the hapless employees at WWE HQ. HHH says he has two offices, the one Lesnar destroyed, and the one he is currently standing in (the ring). HHH invites Heyman and Lesnar to his second office, next week, on Raw.
AJ Lee and the Bella’s parade to the ring for a six Diva tag. A promo for the new Diva’s show on E! drags on and when we are finally back live, AJ is against the ropes rolling her eyes and waiting for the match. Kaitlyn’s partners are Cameron and Naomi. AJ is in the ring when her nemesis Kaitlyn gets the hot tag. AJ gives Kaitlyn a hard slap and then retreats to tag a Bella. Both Bella twins drop to the floor from the apron and leave AJ on her own to get speared by Kaitlyn. AJ is pinned by the Diva’s champ.
B A Star commercial is followed up by....Mark Henry. “Somebody’s gonna get their head kicked...”. Sheamus comes out to bully Mark a bit because, that’s what a face does now. Both men are ready to fight but out comes Wade Barrett for his scheduled match against Sheamus. Henry takes a seat at commentary. When the action goes outside, Sheamus feints tossing Wade into Henry causing Mark to tumble out of his chair. Angered, the archfiend gets up yelling, only to be met with an Irish boot to the head knocking Henry down again. Sheamus delivers White Noise and a Brogue Kick to Wade and wins his match. Mark takes the belt right off the doctor attending to him ringside and starts to strap Sheamus with it. “How funny is that?!” he yells while whipping Sheamus. What’s lost in all the mayhem is that Wade has been defeated...again. Later, Sheamus would put on his Cena face and quip “Henry left his Mark...” -@WWESheamus
The main event is Kane vs Ryback to see who the real monster is. Both men exchange power moves to assert their own dominance like two lion’s fighting for the pride. Ryback is getting the push though so Kane falls to his Shell Shock finisher. The Shield appear and Daniel Bryan joins Ryback in the ring to save Kane. Ryback walks away though leaving Bryan alone to fight off the Shield. But wait... is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s Super Cena, to the rescue! The Hound are circling but Ryback comes back, with a chair, and starts to beat down Cena with it. The Shield retreats as Ryback stands over a broken Cena, chair in hand.